1 important skill that was never taught in school but critical for success

At school we are taught to comply with the rules. Not following the rules means disobedience, means disrespect, means not in the good books of the authorities. So in a way, we are programmed to follow the rules. Socio-culturally also this is expected and the accepted norm. I call this “follow the rule syndrome” (indirectly meaning – do not question!). But is this rule always helping us move forward?

Till recently, I was struck with the “follow the rule syndrome”. It was so deep rooted that I carried this baggage everywhere – at work, in my personal life and social life.

This meant saying yes to whatever people asked from me. I believed that this was the way to receive socio-cultural acceptance. Saying NO meant disrespect. I feared being judged, not being liked or being disrespectful if I don’t follow the rules or don’t oblige to a request. Respect is a value that is important and dear to me.

My brain got so hard-wired so much so that I would work on auto-pilot ‘YES mode’ only to realize later that this was not what I wanted to do. At work, because I would say YES, I got more projects, got work home and worked from home. Same happened for social commitments.

I didn’t realize how much the ‘YES mode’ costed me. It was leading to burn out and stress. I was getting unproductive and unhappy because saying YES to something meant saying NO to something else which was of value to me.

I had to do something, figure a way out and reprogram my brain. I realized that the problem was with me.  I had to find a way to say no to protect my time for things that are meaningful for me whether its work or family or a social cause! Find a way to politely refuse!

I started doing this and voila – Results were dramatic. I got my time back, became much more relaxed and much happier. Contrary to my belief, I earned respect from others as well.

Here are the steps I follow and recommend when you get a request

1. The first step is being aware of your reaction and NOT running on an auto pilot ‘YES mode’
2. Second is to think through before responding – Is the request of value to you?
3. Ask yourself if you are getting driven by Other Peoples Agenda (OPA)
4. Finally, If you feel the request is OPA, politely refuse – learn to say NO in a nice way – YES But NO (YBN)

YBN for an OPA –This takes practice but doing so, you will gain control of your time and will become much more productive and happy!

Until Next,

Keep Smiling..