How we show up knowingly or unknowingly influences the people around us and my reference here are our children.
What I am noticing is that we as parents give way too much importance to winning. Flash news of how well our children have done in sports, in academics, the medals they get, the competitions they win are broadcasted everywhere. We want likes, followers not only for us but also for our children. I have seen parents who argue with teachers for a winning score that they think their child deserves.
We have become overly achievement oriented and we are unknowingly teaching our children to measure success in terms of the likes they get, followers they have and medals they get at the cost of things that really matter in life. I am not against accolades and competition. Healthy competition is good. It pushes and stretches us to do what we thought was not possible.
The point is while we pay attention to winning and external success criteria’s, we almost dismiss or sideline the internal factors such as happiness that comes from showing up fully and character strength that is demonstrated even with loosing.
While we applaud an external win, why not appreciate a WIN that arises from STRENGTH OF CHARACTER and applaud children on how they show up. They don’t have to win a medal to deserve our appreciation.
We can applaud our children when they show up with these virtues. Here are some examples
1. Applaud them for being a good team player even when they fail – You are teaching them to collaborate not only compete
2. Praise them for helping their friends and when they are kind to someone who is going through a rough phase – You are teaching them kindness
3. Encourage them to see what they can learn when they fail and get up – You are teaching them resilience
4. Appreciate them when they can stand for their values and are truthful even under peer pressure – You are teaching them honesty and courage
5. Acknowledge them when they abide by the rules of the game and not manipulate them to win, you are teaching them respect and courage
These character strengths are life skills that will help them in the long run and take them further in life because they will be part of a team at some point in their adult life and will face challenging situations.
So, Its time to pay attention to how we show up in our daily lives.
I am so impressed and proud of the work Houston Kraft is doing to develop character in children through his organization Character Strong. In the Inspirational Leadership Summit, we talked about simple character building activities to develop these behaviors in children so that it becomes a habit and foundation of profound character.
Quoting David Brooks from The Road to Character – “If you make disciplined, caring choices, you are slowly engraving certain tendencies into your mind. You are making it more likely that you will desire the right things and execute the right actions.”
Don’t we all want this for our children? By encouraging and appreciating virtuous behavior such that it becomes a practice, I think we can show up as true leaders in our everyday lives.
What other simple ways you can show up to build a foundation of profound character and positively influence the lives you care about?
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