Traffic, tending to family needs, demands of work, social commitments are part of our busy lives. Mornings are chaotic more than ever. After grabbing something for breakfast, sending the kids to school and packing lunch, you rush off to work but you notice that the road is blocked and there is a huge traffic ahead. You have a deadline to complete an important assignment. Suddenly a range of emotions start playing around inside your body. You are angry at the construction workers, frustrated about the daily struggle, guilty for not reaching on time, anxious about your boss’s reaction. Finally you reach work and then.. start complaining. Complaining about how badly the traffic police managed the situation, why workers take so long to complete the road work, why the municipality departments don’t provide prior notice, nobody understands your struggles and so on!
We complain because it makes us feel better about the situation. I did this too. We often use complaining as a coping mechanism to help us deal with unpleasant and unwanted circumstances. By complaining we are trying to get people’s buy-in and sympathy in the hope that it will help us deal with the discomfort or pain that we are experiencing. Sometimes its simply an excuse for doing something that we are trying to avoid.
Problems will arise unexpectedly and people will do things that may agitate and aggravate you. That’s life, and complaining about it often doesn’t change things. Yes, complaining may make you feel better in the short-term but does not benefit you in the long term. Look at the impact the complaining has on you and your output. Mindless complaining only ruins your happiness and productivity and also those around you. The more you complain, the more you fill your head with unproductive, unhappy thoughts. That’s often reflected in the results you produce because our thoughts create our reality.
It all begins with the thought. It determines your behavior which then leads you to act in a certain way and that in turn produces the results. So the result is the direct effect of your thoughts. Not to mention the mental space that these unproductive thoughts have taken which could have been better utilized for some brilliant creation.
Instead of complaining and depleting your mental resources, why not use them for more creativity, more productivity! Observe what triggers your inner-complainer and become consciously aware of what is happening, become aware of your behavior and check if it’s becoming a habit. If so replace complaining with a positive behavior. The goal is to ‘Quit Complaining’, flip the switch. Charles Duhigg in his book ‘The Power of Habit’ says, ‘If you want to change a habit, you must find an alternative routine’.
Let go of things that are beyond your control. There is very little that you can do about external circumstances. You cannot control them anyways. Instead focus on things over which you have control. Instead of playing the victim, look at what you have agency over. When you think of it, there are quite a few things over which you have control and they can change the direction of your day and the output you produce. If the problem is not trivial and you feel strongly about a problem, then by all means, find a way to work through it objectively.
Practice gratitude. You could start with recalling 3 things that you are grateful for or looking for the positive in the negative. Make it a practice that could replace the complaining behavior. Research has shown that practicing gratitude shifts our mood. We feel less depressed and frustrated. Our brain cannot hold the positive and negative emotions together. So when you are grateful, you are less likely to feel frustrated. According to psychologist (and happiness researcher) Shawn Achor, “If we can find a way to become positive in the present, then our brains work even more successfully as we’re able to work harder, faster, and more intelligently.” As per his studies, if gratefulness is practiced for 21 days our brains retain a pattern of scanning the world not for the negative, but for the positive first, making us much happier.
When you are complaining, you are feeling miserable because you perceive events, circumstances and people’s intentions in a certain way. Look at the situation from a third person’s perspective. They might be seeing things differently. It’s all a state-of-mind. To transform your state-of-mind, try smiling a little more and see how that changes how you feel about the situation. Laugh it out! See what happens. You will feel much lighter. Smiling not only changes the physiology of your body but also your emotional well-being. Remember Lao Tzu words, “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.”
Take responsibility to create the outcome you want. Do an analysis of what has triggered the situation and caused you to complain and see if you could do something to create a different outcome. Don’t play the victim. If you want to have a happy and productive day then stop complaining about things that don’t work and start focusing on how to create the results you want. Focus on what can be done. Take the next step in that direction. Only by accepting full responsibility for the decisions and actions you took that led you to this situation, the doors to further possibilities will open up. The change begins with you!
Have a buddy who will be honest to call on you when you fall in to the complaint trap. Your odds of success go up dramatically when you commit to changing as part of a group even if it’s a group of two. Have a reward system in place that will keep you motivated. Record your behavior and reward yourself for the change that you are bringing in yourself. Make note of the happiness that the new routine is bringing in your life. The craving for this reward will help in installing the new habit routine. When your brain starts expecting the reward, craving the endorphins or sense of accomplishment, this new habit will become automatic.
Complaining about things just comes out so naturally, so it’s a practice that you have to develop slowly and intentionally. Know your trigger points and replace complaining with the new routine. It’s said it takes 66 days to form a new habit and then its auto pilot. Quoting Zig Ziglar, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” How about applying this philosophy to quit complaining?
By taking these steps, you naturally empower yourself and begin taking more responsibility for your life and circumstances, and as a result you are therefore less likely to complain about stuff when things don’t go as expected.
Quit Complaining with these simple hacks, notice how much agency you have and see how your mood, your happiness and productivity elevates.
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