When I initially stepped into the leadership role, I was under the impression that I must know all – everything about the technology, all about the market, domain, economy, products etc in order to be a successful leader. When stuck, I refused to ask for help thinking, I might be considered incompetent by my boss or subordinates. I was afraid to ask. My view was asking is a sign of weakness. Moreover being a woman, I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t cope. Probably it was my ego that was getting hurt, protecting and telling me to play safe or perhaps it was the perfectionist within me wanting to deliver the best work and afraid of loosing control.
In hindsight, What happened.. Did it take a toll on me? – Yes indeed! Did the best solutions come up? – Hell no! Was the organization benefitting? – May be or may be not! As I matured into the role, I realized that ..
Not just at work but in personal life too. Now I am not afraid to admit that I do not have the answer when I don’t. I ask for help when in need. It starts with self-awareness and willingness to admit ‘I don’t know the answer’ or ‘I need support’ and its ok to ask for help. Letting go of control gives an opportunity for someone else to produce their best work and gives me the space to be in my genius.
Asking questions when we don’t have the answer seems obvious but we don’t always do, in fact we seldom do this. According to Judith Glaser, in her study says ‘99% of people have difficulty asking questions to which they don’t have answers. They get anxious, like they should know the answers. They don’t want to look stupid’.
If I have to advise my younger self, I would say ‘Don’t be afraid to ask’. Here are the benefits I have encountered by asking for help –
I have seen the value of asking great questions. Asking questions when you don’t have the answers results in brain storming, collective thinking and problem solving. Creative ideas and solutions come up. Asking ‘How do we solve the problem together’ is expansive rather than telling ‘Have you thought of this’ which is constrictive.
By allowing people to give their input, I send a message that I value their advice. This opens the doorway to trust. When you ask people for their feedback, it fosters trust because the other person feels his opinion matters. They feel good about being heard and you feel good because you help them step out of the box and think differently to solve a problem. This is how you create magical moments which is a pathway to live an extraordinary life
As a leader when I admit that I don’t have the answer, it also sends a signal that it is ok to not know it all and the better way is to work together to find an answer. This creates the space for an open discussion, builds rapport and bonding within the team to lean on each other and work towards a common goal.
Alan Mulally, the former CEO of Ford joined the company under tough times when it was loosing heavily. Addressing his executive team he bravely said, ‘I don’t have a solution to the problem. I assure you that I Know Less Than You Do! Why don’t we work together, find people who know the answer’. A solution soon got worked out to pull the company out of the trenches.
With being aware of what we do not know, asking, active listening and soliciting feedback what we are essentially doing is using our key Emotional Intelligence competencies of self-awareness, self-management and adaptability to open the door to greater options and higher levels of support. By doing so we are allowing different ideas to flow, encouraging a more open and inclusive discussion and looking at different approaches to solving a problem. Connecting with others and collaborating – sharing ideas and diverse perspectives is a much more powerful approach to solving problems than just sitting alone and staring at a blank page.
Next time if you hear your mental chatter critiquing you for something you don’t know or if you observe external resistance to your viewpoint, pause and reflect ‘Is there any other way to approach the situation’!
Sometimes, you don’t have the answer and that’s ok. Don’t be afraid to ask. For all you know, you not only get the answer but also trust, love and respect.
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