A recent decision of mine blew off and we had to incur heavy losses in the project. Few days back, I was in denial and then hopeful that the outcome would be favorable. Alas, it didn’t happen. We had to shoulder the losses. The pain was just too much. I felt ashamed of the choice I made, and extremely sad about the damage it caused. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, so I questioned how could I be so stupid?
Coincidentally I was listening to Tami Simons podcast where she was talking to Dr. Steven about ACT – Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that Dr. Steven had developed out of trying to understand and heal his own panic disorder.
One of things Dr. Steven spoke was ‘Cognitive defusion’. He shared a wordplay exercise which is about repeating the self-critical word or thought for around 30 seconds without ridicule. For me it was “Stupid”. I did that and after repeating a few times, I found myself laughing and saying “Its ok to be stupid“. Actually the word lost its power, it had lost its strength.
What happened was that the wordplay created a distance between me and the thought and it helped me take an outsider perspective. As an observer, I noticed the thought of being stupid rising and falling. Speaking out loud helped defuse the painful thought that I was taking too literally.
Bringing awareness to the fact that I was distinct from the phenomenon and taking an outsider perspective was freeing. Suddenly I felt compassion and love for that person (me). It allowed seeing and accepting the whole of me. It gave me permission to be human. It allowed me to receive the gift inside of the pain, take responsibility for what had happened and make some conscious choices.
According to ACT practitioners, Wordplay helps to cognitively defuse a painful or persistent thought that we might be taking too literally, and which may be contributing to upset or anxiety. We often get hooked by our thoughts, beliefs and feelings, and get lost in the drama. ‘Cognitive defusion’ is a strategy to recognize our psychological experiences objectively and see our thoughts as thoughts.
If you catch yourself having that self-critical thought, try the wordplay exercise or this long term perspective taking technique.
Imagine you are 100 years old and you are seeking advice from that wise old person about the thoughts that you are getting so worked up about.
Did you hear anything like.. Its ok.
Its ok as long as you take responsibility and repurpose the energy to bring more meaning, and purpose to life. What matters is your action!
ACT helps even the most self-critical of us learn how to embrace extremely difficult experiences. You can listen to the podcast interview with Dr. Steven Hayes here.
Get the support you need to redefine your growth strategy, quickly respond to change and accelerate your path to success.
