What to do when an employee is in a bad mood?
This was what I was asked recently. John (name changed), an IT delivery manager was finding that one of his team members Tom was not in a good mood at work. Tom was a subject matter expert, extremely competent but was not producing quality work. Tom was lethargic and his negative attitude was influencing others. This was impacting the upcoming critical milestone.
John told me that he spoke to Tom about how important the delivery was and provided him with all the resources to support him but that did not make much difference. John was worried about ruining the relationship with his customer. He could not find a way out of the situation. He felt stuck and helpless.
When I asked John about the reason why Tom was in a bad mood, he said it might be the impact of COVID-19. While this may be true, it may not be the whole truth. I asked him to dig deep, have a humanistic approach and explore what was going on in Tom’s world.
It turned out that Tom was going through some difficult time personally. He had a sick father to attend to at home and was not sleeping well since many days. In a candid conversation with John, he broke down. He was worried about his father’s health and anxious about the impact COVID-19 on his job. He admitted that he was not able to focus and produce quality work.
While John was doing everything right to support Tom, the missing element was the emotional connection. John had not paid enough attention to the emotional needs of Tom. Though Tom was technically competent, he could not produce his best work because he FELT unsafe, unheard and not understood. He felt speaking about his problems might risk his job. SAEFTY and CONNECTION was what is longed for.
Quoting Navy SEAL commander Alden Mills from his book Unstoppable Teams, “What does it mean to deeply connect with others? It means you must bring curiosity, authenticity and candor, a willingness to listen, and above all a consistency to your intent to build connections.”
By adopting a mindset of curiosity, John was able to connect with Tom and plan the way forward. By being open and curious to what was going on helped John see the world from Tom’s lens. John allowed flexible working hours considering Tom’s situation and reduced his workload. Seeing John change, Tom also put his best foot forward. The work not only completed on time but his relationship with Tom drastically improved.
If you are experiencing challenges with your team, before jumping to resources and solutions, pause and find out what need of theirs is not met. Employee emotions aren’t noise, they are data. Mine the data with a mindset of curiosity. Being curious allows us to review the situation from a different angle. It helps us see beyond what we can see.
And let’s not forget, Times are tough. Change is happening so rapidly in multiple dimensions. This calls for inspirational leadership in turbulent times. During this time of collective fears and difficulty, it is crucial to find ways to pause and to connect compassionately with ourselves and with each other with no agenda. This is an opportunity to nurture our relationships and build trust with our people.
Problems are generally not complex. We make them complicated. We can find solutions when we are in the present, in the here and the now.
As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh says, “The best way to take care of the future is to take care of the present moment.”
If you need support to build meaningful connections with your teams, comment below, let us chat
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